Warmth and Comfort
by kygirl101
Summary: It hurt to keep secrets from Kaoru, but he couldn't help it. It was for the better, even if it was hurting him more to not know what was happening. HikaKao, hurt/comfrot. Implied rape/assault. M to be safe


_Hey Hitachiin! _

He shivered and allowed his pencil to run off the edge of his paper and onto the desk. There, he traced the already permanent groove he had drawn there. If one looked at it properly, you could see the letters 'K.H.' engraved in the wood. To any other teacher, this would simply stand as initials—it would stand for Kaoru Hitachiin, and there would be nothing weird about that. However, to Hikaru, the elder of the Hitachiin twins, it meant more. It meant Kaoru&Hikaru….

Something hit the back of his head. Something wet and soggy. A spit ball? How mediocre. How immature. How nonprofessional. How…insulting.

Turning in his seat, the red head spotted one of the four class mates who had cornered him the other day. The boy had a smirk on his lips that obviously read 'guilty' but could not be proved. However, the mere sight of the smile made Hikaru want to shiver again.

_Nancy boy! _

The boy wagged his finger condescendingly in his general direction before pointing towards the board and the teacher. Hikaru looked, and the second he did, another spit ball hit his shoulder. He rounded on the boy again, upsetting his books and causing them to spill onto the floor.

Crap.

"Hitachiin, is something wrong?" asked the teacher sternly. She was glaring at him over the rims of her glasses, which looked like they could have been created in the early 60's to the red head.

Feeling the heat of embarrassment creep up his cheeks, Hikaru shook his head. "No sensei." Was all he said before directing his attention towards the floor and picking up his books. Outside, Hikaru boiled. Inside, he wilted.

_You're that kid from the club, aren't you? That fag twin who lets his brother fuck him? _

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Kaoru. His twin was looking at him quizzically over the top of Haruhi's head, eyes evaluating his stance and presence with an all to understanding look. When the two of them actually made eye contact, the younger blinked a few times. The hidden meaning was obvious; it was a question. Are you alright?

Narrowing his eyes, Hikaru looked away, thinking himself not answering, but really providing his twin with more information than he ever planned to. Kaoru parted his lips, but the motion went unnoticed by his older brother.

Still glaring, Hikaru was hit again, with a spit ball. This time, he didn't even turn and look at who it was, fearing that if he did, his temper would get the better of him.

_You're sick, that's what you are. I don't know how those girls stomach it. I would be sick if I had to watch you and your brother playing sucky face on that couch for an hour straight. _

It was the middle of the day, and it was history class. It had been a long day, elongated by lack of sleep on Hikaru's part. For some reason, even if his twin was sleeping peacefully by his side, he himself was unable to close his eyes. Whenever he did, the insides of his lids were painted with colorful and vivid images of hurt, pain, and violence.

He had not slept, except fitfully for sporadic periods of fifteen or so minutes, and even then, he would always awake—sweaty and panting—revisited by the images.

Now, dark circles undermined his eyes and bore tale to his nightmares. However, when Kaoru had asked his brother ("What's the matter, Hikaru?") the elder of the twins had answered simply ("Nothing, Kaoru.") without disclosing any information. Was it selfish to keep all this to himself? Was it wrong that he was keeping a secret from his brother, in hopes of preserving his innocence from the outside world for a few more days? Weeks? Months?

Hikaru didn't think so, and thus he blatantly ignored his twin's silent questions, taking the brunt of the force that the outside world directed upon their person sanctuary with his own mortality.

_You're not normal, boy. You're a fucking sodomite, that's what you are. You're a disgrace to the male population. I bet your parents don't even know. _

Hikaru shifted, ever so slightly, and pain shot through his legs and torso. Wincing, he covered up the motion by reaching for the history text book that was at the top of the desk and pulling it towards him. He opened its pages as the teacher instructed him to do so and felt his mouth drop open.

Behind him, snickers and muffled laughs were heard. He felt his eyes narrow into a think line and his hand clenched the edge of the desk. Hikaru didn't know if he was angry about the lewd drawing and insults that were written on the paper in his text book, or that fact that they boys had actually gotten the right twin.

As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he mentally cursed himself. Did that mean he was wishing this horror on his brother? Was he really so self centered that he wished the bullies that sat behind him had gotten the wrong twin and made Kaoru see that horrible drawing?

No.

No, of course not.

Biting his lip and wincing again, Hikaru moved and crumpled the paper between his fingers before allowing it to drop into the open book bag at his feet.

_We're going to teach you a lesson, you faggot. You and your older brother. _

Would it have been any different if he had screamed? Would it have helped if he had told the boys that he was not Kaoru? Would it have made it different if he had thrown a couple of punches?

No…He didn't think that it would.

Hikaru turned a page with vigor, resulting in the think paper to tear. It was an abnormally loud sound in the suddenly quiet room, and this action thus attracted a lot of unwanted attention. He cursed as he felt Kaoru's eyes turning towards him as well.

"Sorry," he muttered, the blush that had not completely left his features coming back full force and seeping up past his cheeks and into his ears.

Trying to concentrate on the words in front of him, Hikaru took a deep breath.

The economy of Northern Pakistan is much different in relation to that of the lower sector of the country. This may have some relation to the proximity of China and Afghanistan in thoughts to each sector… 

_You're a sick son of a bitch, Hitachiin. I don't understand how anyone can stand to look at your pretty boy face… _

The economy of Northern Pakistan is much different in relation to that of the lower sector of the country. This may have some relation to the proximity of China and Afghanistan in thoughts to each sector… 

_I guess I'll just have to make it—and you—unpretty, huh… _

The economy of Northern Pakistan is much different in relation to that of the lower sector of the country. This may have some relation to the proximity of China and Afghanistan in thoughts to each sector… 

_How do you feel now? No big brother to save you. No gay blond or stupid scholarship student to help you, and the Ootori doesn't really even care. _

The economy of Northern Pakistan is much different in relation to that of the lower sector of the country. This may have some relation to the proximity of China and Afghanistan in thoughts to each sector… 

_What do you think about tha— _

"Hitachiin!"

Hikaru jerked. He sighed as he heard other people laugh and wished he had stayed home from school that day. But if he had, that would have alerted questions…Ones he didn't want to answer.

"I said: what ways are the Pakistani and Afghani people separated, and why?"

Hikaru flushed again. He didn't know. He glared down at his notebook and found he couldn't make his eyes focus long enough to skim the section his teacher was referring too. He didn't know. That hurt. He opened his mouth to say so when he hear someone else's voice speak clearly in the classroom.

"Sorry, sensei. I didn't hear you the first time. The Pakistani and Afghani people have virtually no means of transportation between the two countries, not to mention the international wall that you can get shot for crossing. It hasn't been until recently that the two bridged the gaps, and this is only in light of their wishes to defeat al-Qaeda. Needless to say, this caused unwanted tension between—"

"Never mind, Hitachiin. That is a sufficient answer. But pay attention from now on." Hikaru saw Kaoru nod, then hurriedly looked away as his twin turned his gaze back towards his mirror images.

Haruhi tapped Hikaru's shoulder and passed him a neatly folded square of paper. He glanced at her questioningly, but the commoner cross dresser offered no reply.

_Doesn't this make you feel like a whore, Hitachiin? Don't you just want to scream for your dear, twin brother now? Don't you? Don't you?!? _

Hikaru—What's wrong? Tell me! 

He grimaced. He should have known that he couldn't keep his emotions a secret for long. It hurt too much to do so, as well as the fact that Kaoru, despite the playing dumb act he pulled many times during the day, was actually quite in-depth and could always tell when his older brother was hurt. Always.

_Scream for us, Hitachiin. Go on! No one can hear you, and we won't tell. _

Kaoru—I'm fine. Stop worrying. 

However, the younger of the twins would not take this. As soon as he received the note back from Haruhi, he growled and barred his teeth in a frustrated way. Watching, Hikaru wondered if his brother had finally reached the end of his (supposedly infinite) patience. If so, than he was doomed.

Standing, Kaoru announced to the room at large, "We have to use the bathroom!" And barely pausing for the teacher to give them permission, the red head snatched his twin's wrist and dragged him out of the room.

Hikaru wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not, but he could have sworn he heard one of his classmates murmur, "Off to do it in the bathroom now? Ha! That's sanitary."

_Do you understand what we're telling you, Hitachiin? You're a freak of nature. You should have been drowned at birth, you sick freak. _

However, there was not a hint of sexuality or the ever loved acceptance and desire when Kaoru slammed the bathroom door and then proceeded to round on his brother. "What the fuck is wrong with you!?! What aren't you telling me?"

Hikaru fumed. Didn't Kaoru understand that he was doing this for his own good? Didn't he understand why he must suffer alone and without him? "Nothing's wrong with me!" he said, immediately on the offensive.

Hikaru suddenly felt sick. He wanted to wretch and vomit and cry and sob over the bathroom sink, but knew that there was nothing in his stomach to vomit up and no tears that would be allowed to fall. So, instead he glared at his brother.

Kaoru leered. "Come on, Hikaru. You don't seriously think that I'd buy that, do you? Since when have you been that twitchy or that distant. I know you, Hikaru."

"Yeah, that's what you think." Hikaru snarled.

Who was this? Who was making him say this? Oh, that's right. It's the over protective Hikaru. The side of him that didn't want Kaoru to bare a single ounce of pain and suffrage. Why should he, when he had another person who would gladly do it for him?

Kaoru's eyes widened visibly. "That's what I think?" he repeated slowly, disbelief etched in his tone. "No, Hikaru. No, I know that I know you, and you know me. And thus, I think it's pretty safe to say that I know you're lying to me."

'He was right,' Hikaru realized. He was so incredibly right that it hurt his teeth.

_Man, maybe you should stop. _

_Yeah, he doesn't look to hot. I think he's going to be sick. _

"Kaoru, butt out," Hikaru spat, crossing his arms and planting his feel more firmly on the ground, as if wishing for it to give him the extra strength and support that he needed. The only thing he felt was the hard surface under his shoes. No extra support. No foreign strength to help him lie. "This doesn't concern you! It's my issue. Not yours"

"Not my issue? Doesn't concern me!? Hikaru, when will you learn! Everything that has to do with you concerns me! Everything that hurts you, makes you sad, happy or angry is my issue!!" Kaoru was slightly pink in the face, fury etched on every surface of his expression: from the v shape of his eyebrows to the slight sneer that illuminated perfect teeth underneath his lips. Hikaru gulped.

"Kaoru…I don't want to tell you." And there was no defensive nature or secret meaning behind the words. There was no childish nature, nor a selfish one under the words. In fact, the only element of emotion in the words were the true meaning behind them.

Kaoru blinked. Hikaru was…ashamed?

_I'm not stopping until he fucking learns his place. The disgusting duo, you make with your brother, ruined my fucking relationship. My girlfriend left me because she'd rather chase after you two. Apparently, she still thinks there's the slightest chance that you're straight. _

"Hikaru…" there was no response verbally, but the elder of the twins allowed a hand to rise to his eyes and for his frame to sag. He felt the cool tile of the bathroom walls touch his back and felt that nothing would be better at the moment that sliding down the surface and taking a nap right there. Maybe things would be better—easier to sleep—if he was not in his bed…

"Hika…Hika-kun…?" Kaoru's tone was scared, but that was not what made his twin look up. It was the nick name. The one they had used as children. He had been Hika-kun, and Kaoru had been Kao-kun. It was before they ever knew anything was different about the other—

It clicked. At least for Hikaru. He was different from Kaoru now. He was…tainted. Unclean. Not pure. He was used, and old. Kaoru was…innocent. Pure and clean. Not tainted. He gulped as realization hit him like a ton of bricks: it hurt as much as colliding with a ton of bricks would and the elder of the Hitachiin twins found his tears so riddled with tears, and his nose so unbelievably stuffy that it lead him to take huge, loud and shuddering breaths from his nose. "K-K-Kao-kun," he whispered.

It hurt, but he didn't know why…

_Do you get it now, Hitachiin!?! Huh! Do you!?!?! _

And, at once, Kaoru was next to him. Or rather, in front of him. He had his hands intertwined with his brother's and his forehead against the other's. The allowed his nose to rub against his twins and mentally cursed himself as he allowed instinct to take over. He had never been the comforter. It had always Hikaru who held him when he cried, but it felt…normal.

"Kao-kun," Hikaru's voice sounded choppy, as if he was gasping and couldn't draw a full breath. He heaved a few more times, each attempted breath causing his whole body to quake. He felt stupid, crying like this on the bathroom floor of his school; but he had already started. He couldn't stop now. "Ka-Kao-kun…I'm sorry!!"

Kaoru ran his free hand through his twin's hair, not complaining at all when Hikaru's head fell forward and rested on his shoulder. It was a comforting weight and, vaguely, Kaoru wondered if this was how his brother felt whenever he comforted him. Weighted. "Hikaru, there's nothing to apologize for. Just…please…tell me."

_Now…you keep quiet about this, Hitachiin. Or else we'll do the same to your brother. And we won't be as…hehe…gentle on him as we were with you. _

Taking deep, shuddering breaths, Hikaru tried to. He opened his mouth several times—over and over again—before words actually allowed themselves to be made. Even after, they sounded more like a strangled moan than an actual sentence. "They said…they said they'd hurt you…That we were unnatural….that we were sick…"

Kaoru moved his arm to his twins shoulder and, as Hikaru suddenly flinched, withdrew his arm. Something was hurting, and eventually, he would find out. But for now…

"Tell me, Hikaru…Tell me, please. I want to help! I have to know."

Hikaru shook his head in the fabric of his twins Ouran jacket. "I c-c-can't…They'll do the same to you…I can't let them…"

The younger of the twins shifted until he was sitting next to his brother, back against the wall and thigh pressed against thigh. Hikaru's head lifted for a second before it resumed it's spot on his twin's shoulder. All the while, their hands still remained interlocked.

"Nothing's going to happen to me, Hikaru. I won't let them hurt me or you…but please, tell me: who are they?"

Hikaru simply opened his mouth and sobbed, trying again to breath. He couldn't and rubbed harshly at his eyes with the backside of his hand. It burned. The knot in his stomach burned like it was on fire and there was no way to quench it. Even now, as he closed his eyes, the pictures were still there. And maybe it was the fact that, visionary, he and Kaoru were interchangeable. Hikaru could just as easily see, feel and hear Kaoru in that situation as he could himself. And it scared him.

He would get no answers. At least not now. Later, when they were home, he would not let the subject rest: not until he got the truth, which he would get at any cost. But now…with Hikaru reduced to a childish and instinctive nature, he had no way to get anything reasonable. He would have to wait, albeit that the suspense would kill him.

For now, he knew what needed to be done. "Hikaru," he whispered. "I'm fine. You're fine. We're going to be alright…And you're not alone."

Hikaru didn't believe him. He knew something bad was going to happen. Something horrible was still yet to come…But it wasn't coming yet. For now, he still had Kaoru. And that would make everything better. For now.

Repeating that in his head ('He still had Kaoru. He still Had Kaoru. He still had Kaoru. He still had K-) He felt his eyes droop and eventually shut. Sure, the images came again, but this time, they were murky and unclear. They weren't as vivid, and his amber iris, with a swollen and red background, remained shut behind puffy lids.

Eventually, Hikaru's breathing evened out and he was asleep, twitching while he sat there. Kaoru remained stationary, just allowing his twin to absorb the warmth and comfort that he so desperately needed.


End file.
